Pulse
by TTAvatarfan
Summary: The agony, the blood, the despair, so much can happen in the space of a few minutes. What did Ed see through that red haze when he found a metal beam going through him and coming right out the other end? Based on chp 76 & 77


There was a light, a soft, cold light filtering down from somewhere. Probably the roof, or what used to be the roof by now. And something was making a little pattering noise. Falling debris maybe…?

Something pounded hard and loud in his head, beating against the front of his skull.

_Alright, too much thinking…bad…geez, my head feels like it weighs a hundred pounds…_

Air left Edward's body in a quiet rush, or at least that was what he intended. Instead, it seemed to come out as one of the most pathetic, pained groans he'd ever heard himself make. Sure, an entire building had practically fallen on top him, but that was no excuse.

Trying valiantly to ignore the black shadows that began to creep at the sides of his vision, he lifted his head with greater effort than he thought was possible, heaving in a small breath that seemed entirely too hard to take in. Why were his lungs not working? It was only a little collapse. Other than the fact it felt like someone had decided to roll over him with a freight train, before they backed up and did it again, he should be fine…

_So Kimblee took down the entire tower? How on earth am I going to get out of here? _

Ed figured he'd get up now, and ask questions later, worry about the state he was in when he found the time.

_Gotta find him, can't let him get away, I'd never forgive myself if I let him get awa-_

A small, pattering noise, right in front of him when he dared to lift his upper body off the ground. It grew steadier, sickeningly steadier, sounding like water _but it was too thick to be water…_

He froze as something hot and slimy began to bring itself up from somewhere in the back of his throat, and escape through his parted lips, moving with the speed of river water down a mountain slope, and feeling nauseatingly similar. It ran faster, with more force, dripping down the sides of his chin in warm, thick rivulets.

_Blood? It's gotta be blood. But why is there blood coming up my throat unless something's busted…in…there…._

Edward turned his head, slowly, as if he were unable to believe that something could be so horribly wrong. No, it couldn't be that bad.

_N-no way…_

A giant metal beam that had apparently fallen from the roof had stabbed him, disappeared somewhere in his left side, and effectively appeared again underneath him.

Yeah, it could be.

_Blood… oh God, there's blood everywhere…_

It was pooling underneath him, dripping steadily into a dark, almost black puddle. That had to have been half of his body's fluids right there, at the very least. And it was leaving him so easily, he could almost feel it leaving his veins and sliding out of him, evenly, in time with his fluctuating heartbeat.

Abruptly, the muscles in his arms quivered violently before giving out and pitching him down hard, a cough spasming its way up, grabbing hold of his lungs and forcing them to expel more blood to foul the already dirty snow.

_Too much, it's too much, I'm gonna…gonna…oh, my head…it feels like…it's not there…_

And all at once, the muscles and bones in his limbs seemed to dissolve into nothing before they grew cold, and it suddenly became too much of an effort to force his chest to keep rising again once he let it fall. Ed's life had stopped draining from him, and all that remained was that insistent but weak fluttering in his chest that threatened to give out if he allowed himself too.

_Blackness, nothing but blackness. It was so warm, relieving, pulling him deeper and deeper down, promising sleep even deeper still. It promised no more exhaustion, no more agony, no more hurt, no more _anything…_nothing except that he would be separated from everyone for good. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Ed knew that…_

"_We've got to live on, even if we have to crawl, no matter how pathetic it looks."_

"_There are a lot of people waiting for you two to get you bodies back."_

"_I'm not getting my body back, unless you get yours back too."_

He wouldn't leave, not yet…

"_You promised the next time I cried, it would be out of joy…"_

No!

His body was moving on its own, out of sheer willpower, that was for sure. Ed could barely even feel his limbs, and at the same time that seemed unbearably heavy. Yet, he managed to force them underneath the front half of his body without having the will or the ability to lift his head. But he needed to be able to watch what he was doing if he was going to get out of here in however many pieces he was currently in. Without giving himself time to think about how badly his vision was tunneling or how his head felt like it had all but been disconnected from his shoulders, he tossed back an arm over his side, breaking the top half of the metal beam apart in a surging alchemic reaction that caused him to topple over again once it had run it's course.

For a brief moment that seemed to last much, much longer than it should have, Edward allowed himself to lay limp and heavy in the snow, barely noticing the cold that began to seep through his thick coat. Instead, he focused on breathing, his sides heaving shakily with the effort, and his vision pulsing black with every beat of his heart. Aw God, he could actually feel the metal beam grinding against his insides with every gulp of air he managed to pull in…

The distant, muffled sound of feet packing down snow. What was…? Oh yeah. He must have released the two chimeras he had been fighting just moments ago. They'd been trapped under the rubble as well. The blood loss was seriously starting to affect his memory.

Ed heard their voices washing over him, barely discernable and the words hardly even registering at first. But wait, he had released them for a reason. He had to make himself focus, had to push through that hazy, heavy wall of weariness that had clouded his head, made it feel like it was lighter than air. His survival depended on it.

Ed heard himself ask for their help, his voice just as light his head was feeling, grating past his vocal chords, but not around the blood that still clogged his throat. He needed one of them to pull the beam out.

One of them mentioned he was probably going to starting bleeding like crazy and probably die anyway, Ed insisted he knew what he was doing. He would close the wound shut himself, with alchemy. He knew what he was doing…

Yeah. That's what he told himself before he got into this whole mess.

Alright. Time to try this. One of the chimeras gripped the beam as the other held Ed by his shoulders behind him. That's right, he was sitting up now. How on earth did he get like that? Didn't matter now.

Ed gave a weak, rattling, 'go ahead' to the chimera, and suddenly all thoughts sense of space and time disappeared in a wave of pain that rushed in with the force of a hurricane. The world became one place and no place, except for the screaming, blind agony that tore up and down again through him, that bundle of frazzled and over taxed nerves that existed where the beam was being pulled out. More blood gushed up his throat and past his tightly clenched teeth in a thick waterfall. Deeply imbedded primal instinct to escape the pain at all costs found a strength he didn't know he possessed at this point that allowed him to start thrashing, his legs kicking out and his head tossing itself back in sheer unfathomable _hurt_ in response.

_Oh God oh God oh God oh God make it stop it hurts, please please _please…

_Focus! _

A gurgling cry that was stifled from making it all the way past his teeth forced its way desperately from him.

Yes, that was right. A mass of life energy. That was what he was. He could heal himself because that was what he was.

_Remember…remember what it felt like to be a part of the Philosopher's stone…remember!_

A bright flash of light accompanied the alchemic reaction that he performed suddenly. It grew steadily brighter and louder and more intense before fizzling out suddenly and completely, its energy source too spent to keep going.

But the wound was closed, the blood loss stopped. That was all that mattered now. Well, almost. Kimblee was still out there somewhere, and he had to get him. He had to make him pay for the hell that he had just put Ed through of thinking for even one second that he was going to die.

Ed compelled his legs into holding him up for all of two seconds, before they collapsed under a weight they absolutely were not willing to support. But Ed, being as stubborn as he was, rebelled against his body's desperate plea for rest and attempted to rise again, knees shaking violently.

One of the chimeras said something about him looking a bit wobbly, and then another was hoisting him onto his back in one easy motion that Ed barely registered. The only thought that existed in his mind was the furious want to beat the living crap out Kimblee…

But unfortunately for Ed, his body had other ideas about what his next plan of action would be. Finally given the chance to rest with half the amount of pain that it had to endure before, it enforced its own will for sleep over Ed's insistence. The pulsing blackness that had pounded at his consciousness before came back in full force, blotting out all shape and light until he could fell himself melting under the pressure of it.

_Good God, I didn't know I was so tired…m' so, so tired…_

The darkness felt good. It was warm and quiet here.

Except for the distant, heavy sound of his pulse, reminding that he still lived.


End file.
